Get "How To Get A Girlfriend" ebook Free

Stephen over at "How To Get A Girlfriend" is giving one lucky commenter a copy of his bestselling ebook.

Stephen writes:

I’ve been consulting with clients, doing seminars, and releasing updated versions of my products for years. Perhaps you’ve purchased my ebook “How To Get A Girlfriend“, or attended one of my seminars, or even just an avid listener of my free weekly podcasts. Either way, I’d love to know what you think of my philosophy and real world teachings.

I’ve decided to “throw fuel on the fire” by giving one lucky commenter a copy of my life changing ebook "How To Get A Girlfriend". “How To Get A Girlfriend” is packed with natural methods for empowering your self-esteem, generating attraction, connecting socially, and surrounding yourself with women that you want to be around.

It’s simple:

Just write a comment below on what you think about my blog, podcasts, and/or “Master Class Series” Emails.

Simply write a comment on your experiences with Stephen's stuff to get the prize!

Donovan

Gambler (Seduction Master's Interview)

A few weeks ago I read this comment on the Dating Coaches of 2006 post:

"Personally, I'd like to choose someone who is virtually unknown, but I saw him turn guys who you wouldn't believe had a chance, into smooth talkers with a better chance of obtaining natural game in 11 hrs. I'm a little biased, because I'm one his students. Gambler, this is for you."

I knew I had to get in touch with this new up and comer, Gambler. After a few emails back and forth we decided to do this interview, which I think you will find extremely revealing and inspirational as I did.






Gambler can be reached through his website at:
PUATraining

Describe the moment, when you suddenly realized, "I need to work out this part of my life"?

There was a night in 2001, I was 21 years old, had never kissed a girl. I was trading the stock market and doing pretty well and I said to myself “I’d give up all this for a girlfriend”. I said it out loud, and I really meant it. Having a girl then was worth more than all my material possessions and I’d probably have taken an offer to take 5 years off my life or sell my soul to the devil!

I met a girl within a few days and had a 2 1/2 year relationship with her!

This boosted my confidence and at least made me semi-comfortable dealing with women.

After we broke up, I was single again and didn’t sleep with another girl for 2 ½ years. The same desperation came back. I didn’t realize I could learn how to get this sorted out, so I was focusing on improving myself – making myself more attractive by working out all my issues and problems. I lightly dipped into Speed Seduction but thought it was utter rubbish and didn’t have the balls to even try it out.

By complete chance I happened to be in Starbucks Leicester Square, London at the same time as an RSD bootcamp. I spied on things a bit and then asked Tyler Durden what was going on. He broke it down and told me to read The Game. I read it when it came out in England which was September 2005. In November, I slept with my second girl. The only game I used was to match her physical escalation. She initiated everything, even the extraction to the hotel. I felt like I wouldn’t have been able to do it if I hadn’t read the book.

Have you had any mentors and what did they teach you?

Before I came to London in March, I was working on things on my own in Cambridge. My “mentors” were actually these super-hero PUAs that can get ANY woman they want, ANY time. They actually don’t seem to exist, but they existed in my mind and this was the goal I was working towards. The fact that I set my sights so high allowed me to get good very quickly. If I’d hung with local lair guys from the beginning, my targets would have been a lot lower and I might never have been as good as I am now.

My inspirations all came from the products, I didn’t meet a real PUA until I trained with Brent in April ’06. I thought David D was a great role-model of an attractive man with attractive qualities. Tyler, Swinngcat, and PU101 produced products which were a big help.

I mainly got lines and mental attitude from these products rather than a complete system for pickup. When I tried them out, I got mixed results because I’d be generally lame but throw out the occasional very funny or interesting line.

Milton Erickson was my strongest non-PU role-model. His books served as a grounding to me since he was dealing with REAL problems, and was focused on what is truly important in life. Not only that but he was a genius and could do things that no other human being has been able to do since.

Could you describe what you're life was like before you were aware of this, and what options you have with women now?

If we go back only as far as 12 months ago, I’d slept with 2 women. I had no idea if I’d ever find a girlfriend, have sex again or even kiss a girl. The whole process of getting a number or more was bewildering and seemed like a huge challenge. It was the uncertainty that was the main problem. The fact that I knew that I couldn’t just go to a club and grab a girl, and even if I went 10 times I might not get anywhere.

Now, I have multiple girls and options any time I like. I know that I can f-close 7 times a week if I like, or that I can meet a girl of quality (looks and character) around once every 3 weeks. I am dating an Italian girl who is doing a PhD curing cancer, looks like Monica Belluci and is pretty much perfect. I’m also dating a Brazilian girl who is super fun and sexy. Both know about what I do and each other, one even helps out on bootcamps as a HB helper! I have other options from strippers to models. I treat the girls well, don’t use tricks and never had a girl hate me!

What was your hardest sticking point?

The thing that took the longest to click and was the biggest sticking point was sexual escalation. I used to sit in sets for ages without going for a kiss or escalating at all. I barely kino’d. Sometimes I’d be in a set for over an hour without any moves being made.

One night in a set where the girl wasn’t giving me kino or IOIs, I just decided to go for it and pushed for the k-close and got it. After that I became more bold and the kino started to click and become natural.

Do you have a favorite step in your model?

I love to do a direct approach and very fast close so this is my favorite special move:

I spot my target from 5 meters or so, I’m not smiling, I’m looking cool, I point at her and tilt my head. She reacts in some way. I walk purposefully toward her. I give her a direct opener or compliment – “you’re a cutie pie” was a favorite for a while, say “come here” and pull her in, start dancing with her or just touch her hair. Maybe ask her name. Maybe not. K-close. When I imagine super hero PUA, there is no way he is indirect! That’s why this is my favorite move.

Have you had the experience yet, where you feel that you've reached a certain degree of mastery?

I think the moment I got it was my first f-close. I ran good game, opened, escalated quickly, moved her around the venue, and then lead her to my house. It was pretty smooth. I even threw in some Speed Seduction stuff. I realized then that I had choice with women for the first time in my life. It doesn’t slowly build up over time. I think there are key moments which open the floodgates. This was mine for f-closes.

When I got my first 9 was a huge moment too. It was always in the back of my mind that I didn’t have one yet. Remember, I live in London, I’ve SEEN less than ten 9s in the past 12 months! That was when I felt like a real top level guy.

What advice would you give to newbies starting out?

Plenty, but here are 3 things that spring to mind:

1. Get over your inhibitions and approach as many sets as you can. A guy that does 100 in a day will close more and learn more than someone that does 3. If you are uncomfortable having attention focused on you, go and do acting. If you are uncomfortable being close to a woman, go to salsa classes. Do some crazy missions, find out your motivation and put yourself in the position where you have to act. Give your friend $100 and get him to give you $10 back for each set you open.

2. When you are starting, it is easy to study loads of theory. You need to balance learning, applying and refining. I learnt more in 2 weeks of gaming than 6 months of theory. It makes sense, try spending 6 months learning how to drive by reading a book and see if you are better than the dude who spent 8 hours in a car.

3. If you are not an attractive man in general, fix that. Work on fashion, body language, voice, extrovert qualities, social skills, building an interesting life, etc. If you focus solely on pickup, it can actually make you worse!

In your experience, what is the biggest issue for guys getting attraction with a woman?

Standing out in a positive way from other guys. You need to project fun, sexuality, and confidence.

Look like you are having fun and don’t care too much about what happens. Be comfortable in the interaction, be externally focused and out of your head. If you don’t show outcome dependency, excellent. It’s being almost casual about it. When you feel pressure, she will too. When you are uncomfortable, she will not be able to relax. When women say they want confidence, this is what they are talking about.

What's your belief on inner game, and how did you improve yours?

I can talk all day about this area. Inner game is basically your state, your mood, your beliefs about yourself and women. You build inner game most effectively through results and progress. To build inner game before you start, you can try what I did. I wrote down a list of all the things about myself that I was unsatisfied with. For the ones I could do something about I made a plan of action and executed on it, and for the ones I couldn’t I learnt to accept them. Humans need certainty, sense of direction, this gives that. We need a sense of progress and you can get that by recording the progress you make in a journal. It also helps to stop comparing ourselves to others. Judge by your own life and the progress you are making. There will always be someone who is better in some regard, focusing on them is a recipe for discontent.

These are some things I used. I also studied self-hypnosis, NLP, read all the old Bandler books, everything on, by, or about Milton Erickson, I used subliminal music whilst I slept, etc. I used loads of tools and they all impacted in some way. Now I’m very solid, difficult to stress out, and generally in control of my emotions.

Do you have a personal favorite field report that you could relate?

Yeah! From 3 weeks ago!

I went to a posh club in London (24), was a good night, 3 k-closes with HBs. I got a 15 second k-close from using my “special move” as detailed above. I was in a great state – on fire – everything was working for me I COULDN’T get blown out if I wanted to, this happens sometimes. I didn’t extract any girls, nothing I was too bothered about. I was walking home, it was raining so I put my leather jacket under my top and it looked like I was pregnant.

I was walking with a friend. We were chatting when he gasped and pointed out a girl hiding from the rain under a shelter. She was a 9 in my book and the hottest girl I’d seen in 2006 with maybe 1 other girl on the same level as her. 6” tall with heels, blonde, thin, beautiful face, perfect skin, great smile, greeny blue eyes. Stunning.

I told him to go in, he went in and choked, shook his head and came back. He couldn’t do it.

I went and stood 2 meters away, mirrored her facial expression, she looked at my belly as if to say “huh?” and I rubbed it and mouthed “my baby”. She smiled. I looked at the floor next to her as if to say “there isn’t space next to you” and she took step back to let me in. I went and stood next to her right in her face. I asked what her name is. I was in seduction mode already. I went in to kiss her after 15 seconds but she turned her face so I kissed her on her cheek and neck. I do this if they turn their face. I asked where she was going and she told me so I said “I’ll walk you” and took her hand and lead her down the road.

I said “let’s go for another drink” she agreed and I lead her to my house. She objected when she realized we weren’t going to a bar and said “Russian girls are not so easy!” I said “I know, I love Russian girls, and you are special” in a sincere way (I did mean it too). She then started walking again and I got her to my room. I had no outcome dependency at this point, I had a take-it-or-leave-it attitude which she must have picked up on.

I got her in my room, she sat down, I put music on, she didn’t want wine. I said come here, she said “why” and didn’t stand up so I pulled her up, started kissing her, tripped her up onto the bed. Escalated with no LMR at all and had the best f-close ever. She was stunning, I wouldn’t change her thing. Plus it was all natural. No fake tan, died hair, tons of make-up, fake boobs. She was a diamond. Anyway, it took 15 minutes to get to my house, 5 minutes to get her into bed, and she was a NINE so it was amazing for me.

The PU skill? Nothing verbal, nothing I can describe too well. It was the state I was in + the confidence in the approach + the sexual vibe + the indifference and coolness about taking her home. I really didn’t feel desperate or outcome dependent.

She went to Russia for the holidays so need to call her again now because she’ll be back. But one thing is for sure, in London, it will be MONTHS before I even see anything as good.

What are your current challenges?

Finding quality girls! I don’t practice enough due to lack of quality HBs. My personal pickup goals are to be more dominant, escalate quicker, push the boundaries in this way. I’ve cracked upscale venues, celeb parties etc. Hmmm, not too much left. Just general improvement now I guess and a consistent level of quality.

What are you goals now within the community, and in life?

I’m torn between wanting to be the world’s best PUA and running a successful business. I think I need to come to America for both so I’ll be there soon. I am happy with my love life with a few good quality girls. I like to be in a loving relationship. ONSs don’t do too much for me. Neither does writing field reports or getting status from guys. I’m competitive but not a show-off, so I’ve posted on forums less than 5 times in my life!

You've started a company for English students called PUA Training, what can they expect when they take a bootcamp, and what makes you different from other English companies out there?

In London, we have the major US companies who have set up local operations, and no real home-grown talent. I don’t think the quality of training is up to US standards from the established companies since the local guys just aren’t the name-brand PUAs.

I put together a team who even the other organizations will admit consists of England’s best PUAs. We all have different styles and are not too tied to a specific approach. We teach direct, indirect, day, night, phone, day-2, dance-floor, natural game, and routines. It sounds like a lot but it is pretty simple. The system we teach can be learned and memorized and applied within 15 minutes. It is pickup boiled down into its essential elements from open to close. We then put the other stuff on top of this model so it is flexible enough to adapt to any student or any teacher. Because of this, some students leave and are routine guys, some leave and have natural game, and most have a mix but are working towards being all-natural. We had 3 f-closes in a row on bootcamp nights in December, and many more from dates following n-closes on the nights. At least 75% of students get closes on average which is better than any other published number I’ve seen.

Our bootcamps have 2:1 ratio in the club, have HBs that the guys can practice on before going into the field, feature wing-girls, sex skills training, fashion advice, and special guests in lots of areas. I wanted to get away from the “guy with a whiteboard” type of event and we hold our events in private rooms in bars and clubs and the guys are never sat listening without doing an exercise for more than 20 minutes. We have a big budget and spend the money on quality additions. We do day game AND night game.

Tell me about your soon to be released products, and what someone can expect to learn from them?

I’m writing an ebook which is 90% done. I went through all the material prior to going into the field. I’ve read every ebook and watched every DVD and listened to every piece of audio. Some is good, some is bad. A common problem is that none of these products gives you everything you need – the entire process from open to close with all the content you need along the way. Mystery’s book is the best in this regard at the moment, but it is still somewhat limited in its approach. The 7 hours, the negs, the mixed sets in clubs, no direct game, no dance-floor game, no day-game, no inner game, a very rigid system of steps. Basically I wanted to give a complete system for picking up women in any environment. I think I’ve achieved that. People love it so far and I look forward to seeing the response. I’ve basically created the book that I needed when I was an AFC.

Other products will have a similar goal, and so will stand out in the same way.

Your game is "natural", why did you adopt this technique, instead of using a more structured approach to pickup?

Hmmm, well it is natural but still structured. I know what “phase” I’m in and what I can do and what I need to do next. But I freestyle it within that. Because I generally look for quality girls that I can be in relationships with, I find canned material objectionable. I want the girl to be attracted to me, what I have to say, and what I truly think of her. I don’t want to catch a girl by acting a role. I would hate to have a girlfriend who I used a routine stack on. I think that canned material is a crutch until you develop the skills to freestyle and “be yourself”!
I have an unbreakable routine stack, it would close pretty much anything, but I don’t use it. The second reason I don’t use this stuff is that it doesn’t test me, I like to exercise my mental muscles, sharpen them and become better socially through this. You learn more from freestylying 1000 sets than doing the same routine stack 1000 times.

I don’t understand why guys want to be PUAs. A natural with PUA knowledge can out-game 99.9% of PUAs. AFC’s should strive to be naturals.

You traveled around Europe with some great dating coaches last year, what can you tell us about meeting women in other countries?

Well... You have disadvantages and benefits:
You are a rare commodity and more attractive.
They know you aren’t staying long.
The girls are generally not as easy.
Language can be a barrier.
Some countries just hate foreigners.

Aside from this, it is pretty much the same everywhere. The hottest girls in the world are in Latvia. And the most harsh environment ever is the Latvian club scene! They will blow guys out on the open in the most harsh way possible over and over. I still scored every night but I really did pick my shots carefully and the HBs were scared to be seen with me in front of anyone because of the negative social proof of being with a foreigner. Somewhere like Sweden, it’s different, pretty easy, but weird things like expecting you to light their cigarettes (same in a lot of these countries actually, Russia too), and if you refuse it isn’t cool at all. They are not shit-testing, it’s a part of the culture.

Being around so many HBs on the European tour, my game went through the roof! That’s why I need plenty of holidays to places with hot girls – to keep my game sharp. Anyone who wants to take our English girls, please let me know!

You've offered to write a column on The Attraction Chronicles. What do you think you'll focus on, and what can my readers expect?

Lots of things spring to mind. Right now, I think “A structured way to become a natural” would be pretty good theme. Natural game learned unnaturally! Haha. The advice is universal in my opinion.

Gambler can be reached through his website at:

PUATraining

Thanks Gambler, it looks like we'll be hearing from you again soon!

The Truth By Playboy (Stephen Nash)

Stephen (PlayboyLA from The Game) just blogged a very revealing post on his experiences with the community, and how not to get fooled.

Why You Might Be Wasting Your Time

I tend to meet with client once per week these days, and a very common theme has emerged. Many of them emerge from working various programs, attending various workshops, reading every book known to man, only to be more frustrated and downtrodden because it doesn't seem to work out for them.

The carrot can't be caught in other words...

Not to entirely frustrate you, but usually guys who are good at the 'game' were good at it already...or pretty good at it already...the only brain which thinks a bunch of lines and gimmicks are going to work is the same brain that led you to be frustrated, lonely, and socially awkward in the first place. Let me repeat that:

"the only brain which thinks a bunch of lines and gimmicks are going to work is the same brain that led you to be frustrated, lonely, and socially awkward in the first place"

In other words, your diagnosis might be a bit off.

The community - whether it's a competing company, a web-board, a lair..whatever - thrives on dangling a carrot out there in front of you claiming that your life will change in 13 seconds if you just buy this product...etc...

This methodology is certainly lucrative - just ask Tony Robbins - but it doesn't usually translate into success. THERE IS NO QUICK FIX TO YOUR PROBLEM...and anyone who claims otherwise doesn't deserve your attention, money, time, or bandwidth.

Most of what you read online is total BS by the way - the webboards which feature endless posts by supposed experts are normally 30% truth. I have watched so many guys doctor and change their posts to relay a much larger, and more glorified representation of the truth. HB6's suddenly are HB9's etc.

So, what follows is a reasonable expectation for you - something actually attainable - and not something designed to get you to purchase my products.

1) Begin - analyze your social life. How many friends do you have? How many are male and how many are female? How often do you see them? How often do you go out with a friend or a group of friends? How do you meet new women (if at all)? How do you make friends? If you have had a relationship, how did it happen? (In my experience, a guy tends to meet women the same way his entire life - so, if the last 9 girlfriends you had were met via another friend, my money is on the next one happening that way IN SPITE of how you feel about cold approaches).

2) Once you have written down some honest answers, give yourself SMALL goals to reach with a month's time to reach them. So, if your social circle is 5 people - try to double it in a month's time. Within a month, your circle has grown to 10...

3) If you don't meet 5 new people on a weekly basis, your social life is not active enough. If that is the case, you need to branch out. Here are some ideas:

- classes
- events
- openings
- parties
- hobbies
- friends
- cold approach (notice how this is one of 7 ways...)

MOST couples come together via social circle - NOT THROUGH COLD APPROACHING - so, why waste your time trying to get good at that when you can easily get good at the others, meet TONS of new women (and make cool guy friends) and improve your lifestyle as a result?

Why put your life on hold just to get laid? Why not accelerate your life forward, and then get laid or even....meet someone for a relationship...

4) Lead your social circle - study all about John Goddard, make your list, get started and then invite everyone else to come along for the ride...LEAD in other words. Become the magnet to mission, purpose and excitement.

5) And by the way - what IS your mission or purpose in your life anyway?? Do you know? If not, now would be a good time to write a bit about that and start to get an idea...nothing as unattractive as a loose balloon being blown about by the wind...

6) Go to a tailor and get fitted for your sizes right away. Never buy clothing that doesn't fit again.

7) Get in shape - go to the gym MINIMUM 3 times per week. And if you want to know...I swim...and love it...great for the mind, body, joints, you name it.

8) Clean your apartment - do it tonight. Wash the dishes when you're done eating, and make your bed in the morning.

9) Go to the dentist, and have your teeth cleaned. Be sure to correct any bad breath issues you may have. You might be the nicest, coolest, most handsome guy in the world - and with bad breath, you'll never see approaching lips...

10) Stop wasting your time doing things you like, and only go things you love...

Now remember, set reasonable expectations on your progress. Nothing worthwhile is going to happen in even a month. But a year from now - and trust me, that is not long and is WAY shorter than the amount of time needed to get good at the cold approach - you can expect very significant progress and change, if you are diligent and disciplined.

If you want a girlfriend, and a healthy relationship - YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME DOING COLD APPROACHES. You must create a lifestyle and image which are attractive and healthy - you can't have a healthy relationship with another until you have one with yourself - which means honoring your deepest wishes, and the precious time you have here on earth (this is first and foremost)! Stop wasting time...start really living, and watch as your entire framework for relating to women change.

And to finish the first paragraph - my job, as a reporter recently noted, is to rewire guys away from the community beliefs, into beliefs which actually serve and are rooted in REALITY...that's what I do about once per week...not bad, but a shame that so many well-intentioned guys get such bad direction from other equally clueless guys...



For an example of such a website: www.spiritual-seduction.com (this 19 year old has been in the community for less than 6 months, hardly a "guru") Thoughts, comments?

For more Stephen Nash and his thoughts on the game, community and dating, check out his Seduction Master's Interview here.

The Need For Lifestyle

I think I'll briefly cover an important topic that many men within this community often overlook.

It's the concept of lifestyle.

We all know that being rich and famous would attract the woman of your dreams... well, atleast a physically attractive woman. The question is... if you aren't rich and famous and leading a royalty lifestyle, what should you do?

Create it.

I recently held a party at my house that had over 3500 people attend. Having this event gave me all kinds of attractive stories, conversational topics, and social pull.

There's a trick, you have to beware of the woman that wants the 'man of the hour'. Typically, these are women who flock to you, without ANY effort on your part. Not wheat, just tares.

Unless you feel like having a roller coaster of a relationship, stay clear of these women.

Back to what I was talking about.

Imagine you were a woman. Would you want to be with a guy who works, comes home, watches some TV, goes to a bar, comes home, and repeats daily?

I hope not.

You need to start generating a lifestyle that you want to live. Something that you want to portray about your personality. Something Stephen Nash told me was, how you use your time, directly illustrates to your mind and to others how you value yourself and who you are.

I've foudn this to be true, 99% of the time.

When we feel depressed or unattractive, it's because we're really not doing the things we NEED to do with our time.

Like...

Traveling.

Like...

Taking up a new hobby.

Like...

Going for a hike through a forest.

Like...

Checking out that beach you've never been to.

The list is endless.

You'll notice when you start fulfilling these goals that you have, you'll start to see much better results with women.

Why?

Because you'll have more to talk about, more experiences, and you'll qualify her better. You'll want similar qualities in the women you date.

That's where its at. Experiencing life with them.

The definitive guide to lifestyle generation is found in Stephen Nash's (PlayboyLA) book, How To Get A Girlfriend, easily the best book on the topic, along with natural game social skills and how to portray your lifestyle in an attractive way.

Donovan

Christian (Seduction Master's Interview)

I completed this interview with Christian, the General Manager of Charisma Arts, just before I left New York City. I had a chance to have lunch with him at nice little cafe at Union Square, and we had a great time talking about the different aspects of pickup and dating.

I started and sold a software company and was in and out of University of Michigan as a history major before meeting Wayne and starting Charisma Arts. This is my real job, but I do consulting for other startups on the side.

How did you get introduced to this community, and was there an experience that made you want to improve this area, and when was that?

I am a relationship guy but was going through what was then a six-month period of single-hood. Around that six-month point, I spent $400 on three dates with a girl. I liked her a lot more than she liked me and when she told me that it just wasn't happening for her, I felt very frustrated. I think this is a common thing that brings guys into the community.

I was feeling very isolated - waking up alone, eating dinner alone, etc. One of the best things about this life, for me, is when you can share experiences with other people. It made me so sad to have dates, but still find myself dining at restaurants alone more often than not. Most of my college friends had left town and I didn't have a social network anymore.

An employee at my company was clued in to what was going on, and introduced me to some DavidD and Ross Jeffries stuff. I thought some of it was offensive but there was also a lot of valuable information in there. This particular employee was big into Juggler and was the guy who actually compiled the archives that we now sell on our website. This was maybe a year after I was introduced to the community.

Was there a main turning point after you discovered the communities techniques in which you finally felt you had reached a certain degree of mastery?

I was always ok with women, but I was coming off as arrogant to cover up some insecurities. There was no technique I learned that helped me past this. In fact, reading the DavidD stuff hurt me more than it helped. Not to knock him - he's like a handbrake when your car is about to hit a telephone pole - but it wasn't until I began to hang out with Wayne (Juggler) that I began to identify my real issues and attack those.

My big breakthrough came when I realized that I could be myself - appreciative, complementary, friendly - but do it from a position of strength, not supplication. The false strength that techniques and a lot of the community wisdom teaches left me single for about a year and a half after discovering it. It was a big step backwards and my friends were like "who have you become?" Girls were offended more often than they were charmed.

After a period of time, I began to just go out with the mentality that I'd try to enjoy and appreciate the people I was talking to. I don't remember when exactly this happened but it has made me such a happier person.

Have you had any mentors, and what specifics have they taught you?

Wayne is awesome - he is insightful and has been a great friend to me. Johnny taught me how to have fun in my interactions without being outcome-dependent. In fact, all of our instructors continue to inspire me. Dan was a former client of ours, at a bootcamp I taught. Now he is an instructor and I'm learning so much from him. It is weird how this happens but it is true that a social/reference group of uplifting people is greater than the sum of its parts. My friend Steve was also a big help for me - but he's not a "community" guy.

On that note, I think it is important that your reference group reflect your values, and not your interests. A lot of guys get involved in lairs or find wingmen who are interested in just going out and meeting girls. I hung out with people like this from time to time. But I've found that I'm happiest and certainly at my best when I'm with people who see and value the world as I do. It doesn't matter if we don't like the same music or share the same tastes in clothing. My benchmark is: does this person make me be a better person?

What was your hardest sticking point to overcome, and how did you?

The arrogant insecurity. I'd often talk about my car, or my job or whatever. Even though I knew it was hurting me, it was like I clung to those things. That blocked everything else - approaching, SOI'ing, everything... because I was so afraid of being judged, I was being very judgmental, and consequently, the only people I'd want to talk to would be people with whom I'd have a desired outcome in mind. It was insincere and socially ineffective.

Getting past this required a big shift in how I thought about people in the world. It happened by hanging out with guys like Wayne and Johnny. I read a lot and books like "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenence," and "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" were big helps for me too. Finally, I pushed myself to do everything in a way that was opposite of certain instincts - kind of like George in that one Seinfeld episode - and I'd notice things clicking for me. This has been a spiritual journey as much as anything else.

In all the sets you've done, which approach has made you the proudest?

As for "trophies" - there was a playmate with whom I had a great interaction. She text'd me from Hef's 80th to the effect of "I just danced with Donald Trump but I can't stop thinking of you." But you know, I wasn't trying to "seduce" her when we spoke. I was just interested in talking with her, and lo and behold, we got along very well.

More imporantly, my current girlfriend is unbelievable - definitely one of the best human beings I've ever met. We met when we were both in relationships and when those ended, things just evolved as they do. By virtue of who she is and what is important to her, she challenges me to be a better person every day. I'm not so much "proud" of this. I'm just happy.

You practice what's known as "natural game", for those not familiar, what is the core of natural game, and how can someone bring that out?

"Natural Game" is basically a polemical term that stands in contrast to indirect game. I don't know that there is a definition of "natural game" that exists without the definitions the community has of indirect game or some of the other methods being taught.

What we teach is how to have conversations you want to have without reliance on other people's material. Anytime you introduce material, dishonesty, or things you don't really care about into a conversation, you are erecting barriers between who you really are and who she really is. They're going to come down at some point. Why deal with them at all?

So if you want to label what we teach as natural game... I suppose it is being able to be yourself from a position of strength. Yes, there is a model to each interaction, but when you get good, the model vanishes and each interaction is just sublime enjoyment.

Do you have any additional products coming out?

Yes. There will be a DVD sooner or later, some audio stuff, and a style guide. To me, style is a huge, huge thing. There is no such thing as the perfect opener, but the closest you can come is being well-dressed. I am opened all the time for my clothing, but you wouldn't call it peacocking in the feather-boa/platform boots/black fingernails sense.

Your current girlfriend seems like a great girl. I've had a chance to exchange a few emails with her. I'm impressed. Can you relate how you met, and some specific things you contribute to starting a relationship with her?

I'm so glad I have your approval Donovan ;)

This is a tough question to answer. Here's one thought. My last girlfriend and I got along on a level of shared interests. We enjoyed talking about and sometimes doing the same things and going to the same places. It was fun for companionship and for awhile, we had a great relationship. But we both realized, and her before me, that we weren't a good long-term fit. We didn't want the same things from life, want to raise our kids the same way, etc. As an aside, she's actually dating another community guy now who tried to schlep his way into one of our workshops under false pretense of being a reporter. I hope that works out.

Lauren and I quickly realized that even though our interests aren't identical, the core things that make us who we are line up very well. I've never enjoyed just looking into someone's eyes as much as this girl - it makes me feel connected to the world and more. That's not something you can fake. When two people come together like that, it just has a way of happening.

In terms of things that led to us dating... she tells me that I have a way of making people feel special. I could tell from the moment I met her that she was someone special, and I suspect that there was a lot of genuine interest on my part. It was easy to have honest conversations with her - we talked about things like sex, religion, and even taking a poop very easily before we started dating.

It comes down to this though - I find a lot of people interesting and I think that comes across with everyone I talk to. I happen to find Lauren more interesting and inspiring on almost every level than most people. I like to hear what she has to think but more importantly, I like to be around her because of who she is. I wish every guy could be so fortunate.

Some argue that most "natural" conversations are routine-based anyway, because of social conditioning, humans being habitual anyway etc, we speak with stories that have had good responses, and highlight things about ourselves that have previously been appreciated in set. What is the difference between routine based methods like that, and your natural methods?

There are two spoken parts to every interaction - what you say and what she says. Below that is the subtext - why you're saying what you're saying and how you're feeling about it. Of course we tell the same stories from time to time. But if I had to articulate a difference between "natural" and "canned" storytelling, I'd say that when I tell someone something - anything - it is meant to connect me with them and to get them to open up more to me. To share more of the "what she says" part. So I won't tell a story just to "demonstrate value" or entertain if it has no place in the conversation flow or what the other person is saying.

I'm not the best or smoothest storyteller. I use the words "like" and "uhhh" far too much. But I'm good at highlighting why I feel a certain way about something and I'm decent at setting up a segway for someone else to take over - ending with an open-ended question for example. This is stuff that we work on in the bootcamps.

If a new client is having a difficult time developing a masculine "identity". What do you suggest they do?

I think we are these organic entities with history, potential, and values that inform us in the present moment. A person's identity is going to be a function of these three things.

Your history is behind you and the best you can do is to frame it in the context of how you have learned from it. I had a pretty bad childhood socially, but a great family and a lot of things to learn from, and I'm thankful that I went through what I did.

Your potential is the possibility to fulfill your purpose. A lot of people have direction but no purpose. The former is where you're heading, the latter is why you're heading there. When those two things line up, and only then, are you able to say that you are excited about your potential. If you're not on that path, you need to do some thinking.

Finally, a strong set of values is core to a strong identity. One of the things that stuck out to me from Wayne's archives is that most people's values are castles built on sand - unexamined and untested. To try to elicit a woman's values and match those is weak. I think it is important to develop informed opinions on everything from human sexuality to job happiness to religion and spirituality. For example, I won't sleep with a person anymore unless I am in love with them. Without getting into why, I will say that that is a big part of my "relationship identity" and it is something that is with me whether I'm with someone or not.

Do you have any ideas for overcoming shyness or low self-esteem?

Low self esteem should be dealt with by trying to become more assertive about your identity - see above.

Shyness is tough too. The best thing I can say is that if you are not outcome-dependent in your interactions with people you can approach them much more easily. Some people are just shy and they shouldn't be ashamed of that. Chad, who is one of our instructors, is pretty shy, but he makes it work for him. Its something we deal with regularly in bootcamps, but I can't do justice to the issue in a few lines here.

What do you think is the most important skill of attraction? What do you recommend to master it?

A big smile and a reason for having it. The most attractive guys I know are happy people and they bring that with them to every person they meet. Lauren's little brother is going to be a lady-killer. He is the happiest guy I know and I can't think about him without smiling. Johnny and Kory are the same way. Who doesn't want to be around a person like that?

It then becomes a matter of indiciating intimate interest (what we call the SOI) and letting things progress from there. It is funny; once guys get past approach anxiety, they often have huge SOI anxiety. This is second most important after being a fun, happy person.

Have you found any specific conversational topics to be more interesting to women, and how do you present those topics?

Women love talking about relationships and interpersonal dynamics. They like talking about sex, but only in the abstract at first. They like talking about the things that make them happy and sad. Most importantly, they like talking about how they feel about things.

CA teaches how to "headline" things. We had a client who wrote software for the FAA and wasn't enthused about it. Now when a woman asks what he does, he tells her that he makes it so that her plane doesn't crash into the radio tower when it is taking off. It generates a laugh and prompts more questions. We helped him identify what about his job was rewarding, and that's something he can now share with people in a much more interesting way.

I don't recommend talking about computer games with women or with most people in general. I just bought an Xbox 360 and no one in my life wants to hear about it (they'll change their mind when they see the next Splinter Cell, though).

How can you differentiate yourself from other attractive guys when you're trying to get that "popular" woman of the group?

Dress well and uniquely. More importantly, disqualify yourself to the group. As an "amog technique", disqualification has no peer. Some guy asks what kind of car you drive - you could say "I have an M3" or you could say "a car that uses way too much gas. have you seen how expensive that shit is these days? I'll tell you what I would like - a car that is powered by hydrogen." When you answer the former, you're qualifying yourself to him. When you say the latter, you're not only implying that his question is irrelevent to you, but you're reframing it as a question that everyone can relate to. Popular women are used to guys qualifying themselves to them. Do otherwise and you will win every time.

What's your personal technique for cold approaching at a party/public when the girl is alone, etc?

I hate to be vague but there is no personal technique, per se. It depends on the situation. I'll sometimes try to find what Wayne calls a floppsy (more on that in his eBook). But there is no one opener.

Half the time it's "Hi, I'm Christian. What's your name?" Dan wrote an awesome, awesome blog on our site about the first few minutes and how to get into the conversation.

What do most guys do wrong with flirting?

They push but they don't pull. Bad: "I don't know about you - that southern accent is a little much for me." Good: "I don't know about you. I don't normally like southern accents. But yours suits you well - in fact, its kind of sexy." Our instructor Matt did this second one almost verbatim at a New York bootcamp a few weekends ago. He pushed her away, but pulled her back in.

Guys have trouble coming up with interesting conversation that is attractive, engaging and unique from a woman's perspective. What advice can you offer?

Read Wayne's books and take our bootcamp. That is what we teach and are known for.

The biggest thing is to relate on an emotional level. Talking about "things" is boring.

What are some ways to generate a fun, interesting, successful and encouraging social circle around you?

My friend Andre has more female friends than anyone I know. It is because he is really, really fun. He gets everyone to stay out later than they should, drink more than is safe or reasonable, and dance on tables when they are starting to get bored. Being the funnest guy of the group has its benefits. But that is not 95% of the world. If you have the fundamentals down (a strong identity and being a good conversationalist), you need nothing more than to start meeting people and hanging out with the ones you like. In most major cities, there are great social events. Join an art nonprofit in New York or a the WAKA kickball league in DC or find a way to get invited to Chad's parties in LA. If you're from a smaller town, it should be easy to get to know people - they'll go to the same places on the same nights.

With all this stuff, its like tennis, business or cooking - learn the trade before you learn the tricks of the trade. There is no substitute for being a fundamentally strong person.

Thanks for the chance to interview - you have asked some great questions here.

Other Seduction Masters Interviews:

• Introducing the Seduction Masters Interviews
• Doctor Paul
• Grungey10
• Stephen Nash (Playboy)
• Thundercat
• Herbal
• Neil Strauss

Why Women Won't Call You Back

A great post (click on the BLOG link) over at Stephen Nash's new blog titled "Why Women Won't Call You Back".

Here is a snippet:

How many times have you found yourself wondering, "does she like me, or not?" Maybe you have just met her, and simply cannot tell. Or, maybe it's the third date, and you still feel uncertain.

Listen, women are subtle. They will usually indicate their interest to you, or not, indirectly. They are not going to run up to you and shout into your ear, "I AM INTERESTED, KISS ME NOW PLEASE!" OK?

Likewise, they are not typically known for being blunt either. So, expecting her to simply tell you that she has lost interest is unreasonable. In this series, I uncover the common signals that women send to men indicating their lack of interest. Also, with each "symptom", I will offer a "cure" for fixing this issue the next time.

He goes over a bunch of the reasons, and gives his take on the remedy for each. Very useful.

Donovan

Seduction Podcast Reviews

Here are links to the TWO best podcasts within the seduction community.

Why do you need podcasts?

Well, for one they're 100% FREE.

Two, they have the tonality and voice of a pickup artist. (Invaluable too see how they speak, and structure their wording/sentences)

Three, world-class advice. Some of these guys have been in the community since the beginning back in 1998 or so.

Four, convenient. Just download through iTunes and get instant updates.


The first one is Stephen Nash (PlayboyLA), (read his interview with me here).

Stephen is the dating guru based in New York City, he was one of the members of Project Hollywood (The Game). I met him while I was in New York, I actually took a personal consultation from him. He took my game to another level, from pickup to confidence and being 100% natural. He gave me a fashion consultation which dramatically increased women's comments and attraction towards me (crazy but true).

Stephen is posts weekly podcasts and he gives straight forward practical advice. His latest podcast is on personal STYLE and how that effects your game, and how you can project a masculine, dominant and "cool" vibe.

Check out his podcast on his MEDIA page here.

The second podcast that I highly recommend is the co-host of Seduction School, Juggler aka Wayne Elise. (Charisma Arts)

His advice is to be natural and genuine by expressing your personality in the most attractive way possible.

Juggler's advice is brilliant by simplicity and it meshes like Nash's into all other pickup methodologies. His advice is congruent, and I love listening to his coaches about kino, flirting, storytelling and SOIing. They have quite alot of audio content on the podcast so go to Juggler's website Charisma Arts and subscribe to it.

Let me know what you think!
Donovan

Doctor Paul (Seduction Masters Interview)

This is a cool interview I did with the famous Doctor Paul of the David Deangelo fame, and he clearly stands at the forefront of the science of attraction. You may have seen him in any of David's DVD's. Get something to eat, and sit down and digest this long interview that will really open your eyes!

(Check out his video)

I'm CEO of DoctorPaul.Net, where we provide the best material on communicating to women I have ever seen or heard of. Yes, grandiose sounding, except for the fact that it's the only cutting edge material truly based in multiple sciences you'll find, rather than based on strong-armed muscle-advertising or cult of personality. If you do an experiment and I do one and a million guys do one and get the same result, then we are forced to come to the same conclusion, and we say, "well that's the real deal." "Methods" based on the advertising clout, pr, or personality of the speaker do not work for every guy, every time, in every situation. Science does, when devised by a real scientist with formal education, not just the idiot's guide series, or a Robert Greene book.

I'm in my 30's, live in the midwest, and don't believe in "being in the game" - you're either a man who knows what time it is, or you have growing to do. I'm a physician and psychiatrist first, and an observer on all the acronyms, trademarks, seminars and the like in "the community" second. I don't take kindly to any activity that goes to an extreme, or fanaticism, cultishness (e.G. See tony robbins). If you want to talk in normal-people language, i'm up for it. I have been in business as a hobby for three years, but have been a struggling (and now successful) mainstream author and speaker for at least 12 years i kind of fell into this specific area of teaching people and writing by accident. I a psychoanalytic theorist by training and trade, which simply means I take complex human systems, and use real science, not kitchen table wisdom or locker room philosophizing, to come up with simple and practical, repeatable solutions to that complexity. I take human behavior and make it simple for people to use in their lives as if they actually had had my exact academic training and 14 years clinical experience as a psychiatrist. I want to duplicate myself into a million clones, or at least duplicate what know so that people can make better lives through understanding the mind - not in some weird lofty lab-academic way, but in normal language, and practical, and definitely accurate (which only science can provide, not just cults of personality).

So I accidentally met David Deangelo, and we talked, and found we thought a lot alike, and I saw a way to help him with my material, and also saw he used ideas in a more scientific way than anyone else in "the community", even though not a trained scientist academic himself. So he'd ask me a question and i'd show how science of the mind answers it. I'd ask him about business and he'd tell me just as eloquently how business works. So it was a fast friendship. Then I did some products with him for him, and before I knew it, guys wanted to talk to me and wanted me to make products for them. I feel david d may always be the industry leader in that specific field though, and good for him. I have other plans, to remain in that field but in many more, kind of like "intel inside," well it's like mindos inside.

Mindos is my original master theoretical work. It is original, and a true synthesis of all "schools of psychology" set in the world's only visual model of the workings of the mind. In short, it is a 'unification theory' of the mind, much like they seek in the area of physics. It is true "quantum psychology" and offers a new way to envision artificial intelligence too. It can be applied to dating, but also to any other area of a man's (or woman's) life - politics, friends, family, career, success, anything that has human systems or individual or group psychology to it. It took me 15 years to develop and 14000 patient encounters to deduce the material, 4 yrs undergrad, 4 yrs med school, 4 yrs residency, and 2 years psychoanalytic training. I firmly believe something for men could not possibly have been developed without that academic, formal education training and clinical experience as a physician and former student of all the sciences - biology, physics, chemistry, but also literature and myth, film, anthropology, sociology, economics, all of which I have thoroughly studied. Some "fields" like "nlp" mislead people into thinking you can bypass formal education and just model people. Well that doesn't lead to innovation, just a bunch of clone theories and products. It takes time to come out with a real advance in a real technology. Anyway...

1. Describe the moment, when you suddenly realized, "I need to work out this part of my life."

I was broken up with at 22 by a fiancee, and while studying and training to be a doctor, took up the cause of educating myself about the mind of women, and the notion of how human instinct and attraction work...I guess that personal goal led me out of being a surgery trainee and into psychiatry.

2. Have you had any mentors within life that have helped you improve your game, and what did they teach you?

Um, no. Mainly trial by fire, but I must say that I know so many people in so many fields that I really have learned bits and parts of attraction traits and skills from, from a guy who is about to hit it big in music with the coolest new band on mtv (known him for ten years, though he was 18 when we met - he used to play my parties),and he has no idea what "the community" is to this day. A guy who works for the european economic community and now lives in paris with his hot english wife, a guy who was a student and wingman of mine who worked for a colorado billionaire and now is in some sort of secret societies that really run the world, and a guy who is british, but arab descent, born in egypt, yet has worked for microsoft, and has the most silky smooth ways with women you've ever heard of, and yet none of these men know what the community is. I encourage men to have a much bigger life than any one group. However, the community is one of the only accepting, encouraging, respectful of each other groups of men that is young and multinational today - it's a valuable thing to have in society as long as strong ethics are still taught in it and it is not at all about just "getting laid". That's so adolescent. I've met many top notch guys who have a real life through community seminars.

3. You're background is in psychology, and you've been very successful. Did psychology influence you personally with attraction, or were mentor's a greater influence?

I'm not a psychologist. I'm an md psychiatrist/physician. Yes, I can literally "read" any woman or man who walks in the room within five minutes and know what their problems are in general, what their likely future relationship behavior is, and what they are attracted to. I do mean that. If you read malcolm gladwell's "blink" book, you know how that is possible. All those years of study and thousands of patients. You kind of get a "seventh sense"(tm) as I call it, and that sense is basically what I teach men in my products.

4. Can you describe the first time you used a counter-intuitive routine that yielded it's promised results, and how you felt?

I don't use routines. That's ridiculous. I'm about being myself and knowing what time it is with people and their behavior. Be real. I think there are a lot of promised results not based in science. And guess what, they don't work every time, for every guy in every situation. Science does. That's why it has lasted since the first caveman threw a rock in the air and shouted "cool" when it reliably fell to the ground every single time he threw it. Well, that's caveman science for you. I do like mystery's material in the sense that it does have an experimental testing tone to it, which is kinda sorta science-like, but still based in personal experience rather than formal research and education. Like him as a person too. He's an inquisitive mind, and a good heart, wanting to help guys. Some other folk, well whatever...

5. What is your favorite place to meet women, and how do you usually approach them?

Anywhere. Any time. I open my mouth without any routine or robotic geeky crap and say one word "hi", then I just vibe, and truly care about knowing what they know. This may not be in the form of asking questions to them, which can seem needy, but rather, I have always had something about me that makes people want to talk to me and tell me stories of their life. They like it, and it makes them like you back.

6. What options you have with women now?

Um, come on. I have any option I put my mind and heart to. That's just a matter of how much work and how much desire for a certain kind of relationship experience a guy wants to put forth. I have enjoyed a relationship with a mature, hugely attractive future attorney for about a year. It is a good thing for my life right now.

7. What was your hardest/biggest sticking point?

Hmm. Getting out of my head and into my body. I mostly discovered this by taking comedy improv acting class and finding it revealed a kind of hesitation about using my body freely and in any way I wanted to. So I worked on it, and now I dance, or use body language in any way I want. I think it also helps a guy to exercise regularly and feel great about your physical presence, though I know a lot of fat guys too who don't care and just dive into kino and body language freely and without hesitation.

8. Do you have a favorite routine, can you describe it, and what it accomplishes?

No. I don't believe in routines, and any sophisticated mature woman, whether she is 19 or 49 can pick up on how fake that is. You don't know it, but she certainly does, n if you blah blah blah calibrate blah blah. Be yourself be yourself be yourself. I mean the whole basis of my profession of 15 years is about being yourself and nonneurotic, comfortable with it and growing better character in you. I have traveled to so many countries known so many people and ne so many interesting things all I need to do is see a woman and guess that she too has been to the himalayas, or japan, or russia, and I start talking and asking her about compared experiences. I also can tend to pinpoint accents well, and know where people grew up. I dated a french "royal" for a few years, and she was a member of the aristocracy obviously. They were into the finer cultural things and I learned much about different european accents through her, then later from other travels, about asian, latino and other accents. Women are pretty impressed by that kind of seemingly voodoo knowledge, but it isn't about impressing. It's about the pleasure of learning and sharing that learning for me (and the women i have known)

9. Have you had the experience yet, where you feel that you've reached a certain degree of mastery? Can you explain the time, and how you got the realization?

I don't believe in rank and all these terms, except to say that I believe there is such a thing as an "omega male", which is way way more than an "alpha." In animals it is the lowest on the totem pole, but the term in humans means, alpha male sexual instinct skills, but very rich and mature character on top of even that. Think george clooney, james cavaziel, sting, anderson cooper, colin powell for men of various ages. Since I devised what amounts to the most thorough and accurate notion of a quantum psychology yet devised, you might guess that I believe people exist on spectrums, not boxes with labels like pua or afc. We start out less mature both in character and sexual instinct knowledge, and no matter how good we seem, there is always more evolving to do as a man...Til the day you die my friend. With all mastery, there is always higher mastery..But I do think that there are certain benchmarks a man has to reach to be considered more than just an adolescent male (or alpha male in terms of attraction skills alone, lacking high character), and if you add up those basic features that a true, full mature male must reach some day to be totally fulfilled in his life, that's what i mean by an omega male. And you heard these terms here first. I coined them.

10. What advice would you give to newbies starting out, in order to greatly accelerate their learning curve?

Be willing to "suspend judgment" on what is possible for you, E.g. Let go the past, and experiment, be curious, and take on mentors. That's what I provide in live seminars at doctorpaul.net.

11. You worked with David Deangelo on his deep inner game program. What's your belief on inner game, and what are some specific practical techniques guys could start doing now to greatly improve this area?

Answer: Yeah he's a great guy, and genius businessman, but the system presented was my original, patent-pending material alone. It was a basic version of my very first theoretical work, but in the 2-3 years since that, I have developed new, more sophisticated, simple and effective material. The most detailed version available of my core theory is too complicated to explain in just this interview, but it is Mindos: the operating system of the human mind, an ebook on doctorpaul.net.

I am not "an inner game guy." I have doped out the entire human psychology of dating, mating and what used to be called courtship. That means "inner game" "outer game""coupling" etc. All these terms are artificial. Would you agree that you do have both a mind and body? Sure. But can you extract one from the other? No way. They are intertwined, and to say one is more important than the other is ridiculous and pointless. We are men, and men need to learn every aspect of all psychology (of the mind, the body, our words, our actions, our identity, our careers, our friends, family, and lives in general) in order to mature and master their communication and effectiveness with women. My systems cover all of it, including some secret stuff I have revealed to no one until my upcoming books appear with the major publishers this coming year. For now, I fully discuss what I am allowed to by my publisher, at my live seminars for men at Doctorpaul.net.

12. Do you have a personal favorite field report that you could relay?

Sure, a guy from my most recent seminar: call him Jeremy: (and he refers prominently to material from my ebook at doctorpaul.Net, which is about precisely identifying the personality style of women and therefore what they are attracted to, what they are likely to do in the future regarding you, and whether they are a fit for you (if they "qualify"), in terms like queen, magician, etc, is what he is referring to...Also keep in mind before the seminar, he had no idea how to approach and get dates with women... "Datingos" refers to my latest theoretical work for men at live seminars...

Hi Dr paul,

Made it back from the spain trip which followed the chicago seminar, where yes... Even in spanish you can use datingos concepts.

Example...

I was working at the hospital, caught the eyes of a pretty cute spanish maiden, and stayed cool for a while before asking her name (she tells me).

We kind of go our ways, do our thing. The next day, we meet up again, and I ask her to do a few simple things for me so I can get my own tasks done.

She promptly helps out, and goes her way. She later comes back to ask my name (which she has trouble pronouncing, though has fun trying her best). Correct me if i'm wrong, but the post-wussie me sees this as a significant girl boy question. So I keno up on her after that and have my arm around her waist in a few seconds, right in front of the others working around us. Ah, europeans :) i'll see her again I suppose if/when I go back. The real plan however is to get together with the 26 year old daughter of an older hot nurse that I worked with and got to know me. I saw the daughter on the screen of her phone, and mom tells me it's her daughter as I peek for a better look. Omg, she was a latin hottle 10+! I calmly asked if her daughter was married. I get this shocked look from mom as she tells me that she's still single, and a tv producer who's in cuba right now, but otherwise she'd have introduced us. So I proceed to tell her i'd like to meet her next time, and go dancing. She agreed (we'll see if the daughter does :)

back in the states I returned to irretrevable data loss on my mac (dang, never happened before in 15 years of apple computers for me!) so I need all the ebooks again (mindos, masculine power, toolbox, and kwml).

Ok, don't know if I told you about going out with an 18 year old, bachelorette number 1. With this experience I have accomplished several things...

1. Blow away the limiting belief of not being able to date younger women.

2. Sharpened my dating skills in general (conversation, date location selections, physical escalation... I don't know for sure how I did it, but there was no last minute resistance, and I could've done anything i wanted. It was enough just hearing her moan and scream my name :)

3. Learn better how to recognize a mismatch in psychological ages. This was most important.

She knows i'm dating other girls, so i'm going to tell her the truth that I'm more attracted to the others, and don't foresee long term potential between us.

Bachelorette number 2: A much closer in psychological age 26 year old grad. Student who majored in history, and minored in math (she teaches math right now part time). I met her when I sat down at a writing course at the univ. here. I greeted the man next to her, who i'd met at work before. He introduced her to me as his daughter. We exchanged small talk throughout the course, and at the end of the day, when we got up to leave I said, "well it's been a pleasure meeting you. I've enjoyed our conversation and would like to talk to you more... Here's my card, let's stay in touch." She smiled big and said, "i think i'd like that." She emailed me 2 days later, and we've gone out almost every weekend since. She's a solid 8.5. She's just returned from a job interview associated with john's hopkins which she really likes. I have no intention of asking her to consider our relationship as she looks at possible employment. I believe that would show too much clingy/needy boy-like thinking. I've encouraged her to go for whatever job makes her happiest, and that i'm excited for her.

Ok, well that's all for now. Thanks for everything, big bro. Oh, and as for the omega male discussion. You know, when I saw that term in your newsletter, I too thought it a bit off... In contrast with alpha male ideas we have. But after I read into the newsletter a few paragraphs, I thought, "this is the perfect term! I want a woman to think of me as the last man she would ever want or need!

Someone who, when another alpha male other guy flips her attraction switches when i'm not around, will then say, "thanks, but no thanks. I'm dating the perfect guy, and I just couldn't see myself going out with someone else." Bingo. I'm omega. I'm essential to her life. Though, not to be confused with omega-6 essential fatty acids, also essential for her to have... Specificallly for adequate estrogen levels and, in consequence, voluptuous essential feminine curves. Lol! I swear, being a lover has it's advantages... I'm finding i'm a natural when it comes to wordsmiting and sweet talking. I'm a lot less down on myself for not being the best warrior, king or magician, and happy to just make some improvements in those weak areas while capitalizing on my lover strengths.

Ok, ok... Really. I've got to go. This has been fun. Talk to you later! Frank

So that's my recent favorite field report. I prefer not to call them that, since this was more of a cool life's experience abroad for this guy, not a "field report." You make me think of the "colbert report" with that term, and sometimes they need to be just as lampooned as the overserious guests on that show.

13. What is your current sticking point (if any)?

What sticking point? I love my life. Which is not to say i'm an arrogant ass. I really really like things right now, and continue to grow. "Sticking points" for me were in my early twenties.

14. What are you goals now within the community, and in life?

I want to take endless hours of work in medicine, reading, seeing patients, learning business, advertising, marketing, meeting tens of thousands of people and their stories, and turn it all into super-brain-food for men that's "tasty" (that's david d's term for me), then give it to millions of men to better their lives with. I want to meet more and more interesting people for the rest of my life, travel everywhere I haven't been, and learn to take vacations that really are that and not just working vacations. I also have a mission to shed light on goofy ideas that lead people astray, as seen in some business and political practices...So I guess i'm about justice and truth simply, and giving to people like crazy. Sometimes I think my head is full of so much I want to give away there just aren't enough people to receive it. I dig leonard davinci, carl sagan, einstein, freud...And I don't know how to say this in a less corny way... science, when you get the rare opportunity to see it in it's most elegant form, is so beautiful it makes me want to cry.

And not like a wuss. Like a normal guy who gets to see miracles right before his eyes every day, helping people, and call that "work."

It's not work to me.

Thanks Dr. Paul for all you've done in the research of dating and male improvement!

Stephen Nash's (Playboy) New Podcast & Website

Hey guys,

Just got word from Stephen Nash (Cutting Edge Image Consulting) that he's launched a new website. It can be found here: www.how-to-get-a-girlfriend.com

Stephen also tells me he is starting a new podcast, you can also find that podcast link on his new website, along with a 94 minute audio file from a seminar. Cool.

If you aren't familiar with Stephen, he was Playboy from Neil Strauss' "The Game". He lived in Project Hollywood with all of it, and has some great stories to boot. I'm sure he'll probably start relating them on his podcasts and blog. I've interviewed him previously, a lot of the topics he discusses are often overlooked, like, lifestyle, being natural, social circles, etc.

Enjoy.

D

Going For The Kiss (Killer Technique)

Stephen Nash has done it again, some natural, and efficient way of kissing.

Mailbag time gentlemen. This is where we take a particularly interesting question from someone that we feel challenges A LOT of guys out there. Today's covers a particularly sensitive topic -how to go for the kiss. Most guys won't admit it, but they fumble this moment like a rookie running back. Want to be Walter Payton?

Listen up:

Dear Stephen,

Recently, I was out on a date with a great girl I met at a party. A number of times in the evening, she would look at me and hold the stare a bit longer than usual. I kept thinking, "she wants me to kiss her". I was so nervous though, that I never went for it! What is the best way to set-up a kiss with a girl? I mean, I know how to kiss her, I just wonder if there is a cool way to make the move. Help!

Thanks,

Darren
CT

Darren, Darren, Darren...I feel your pain, man. First of all, don't worry - this is by far the TOP question I get from guys. "How do I smoothly go from talking to kissing?" Surprisingly, even the most skilled guys I've come across are constantly looking to handle this tricky situation a bit better. This skill is covered in my ebook, "How To Get A Girlfriend" and in the CEIC audio product, "Natural Attraction".

Here we go - the step-by-step guide to being super smooth when it's time to smootch:

In my estimation, this is where most guys blow it. They know the girl is ready to be kissed, yet they freeze up and pass a bunch of good opportunities to make a move, waiting for that perfect one. Even worse, they'll wait hoping the woman will make the first move.

If you're the kind of guy who hesitates, I got news for you... There are no perfect windows of opportunity, just many good ones, and 99% of the time she will not be the first to initiate any form of intimacy. If she does, consider yourself lucky.

How do we handle this slightly awkward situation? Very simply. The key here is spotting these good, small windows of opportunity and then taking advantage of them. Still better is to just create these windows yourself.

Let's cover this point-by-point:

1) The first thing to make sure of is that you're both having a good time, getting along well and physical contact has been established. It could be anything from holding hands, to a playful push on the shoulder. At this point it is important that she has touched you in some way indicating interest on her part.

2) When you feel you have reached this point, start slowing down the energy of the interaction. Start subtly moving a bit closer to her, slowing down your speech, and take longer pauses between sentences. The thought here is SUBTLE.

3) Now here's the secret, the one move that will assure you to be remembered by her as the smoothest guy ever... During each of those pauses in your conversation, stare at her lips. You can even start talking again, though slowly, still staring at her lips. Start slowly moving in closer. The words you're saying at this point become irrelevant; the sexual tension in the air will be too thick.

4) Slowly move your eyes from her mouth to her eyes and back again. If she has not moved away, or shown any sign of unease, you can place a hand on her hip and bring her in closer.

5) Usually she will lean in the rest of the way and kiss you. After all, at this stage, your lips should only be an inch or two away from hers.

Congratulations! In her mind, you are the world's smoothest man.

My Night With Stephen Nash

That title is for those of you that have seen Superman Returns... *cough cough*

I attended a NYC Lair meeting last night in New York City. It was a motley crew of different guys seeking different things.

Don Juan, who I'll be interviewing sooner rather than later, was in attendance. He's known as the kingpin of storytelling technique.

My main focus was on my friend, co-founder of Cutting Edge Image Consulting, Stephen Nash. Basically the credo of his company is a wholestic approach to a masculine lifestyle. I'll go over some of the valuable points I personally gained from Stephen, as he spoke for two hours. Let's just say he's in for the long haul with you, and not some gimmick to fix your love life. Just like a carrot dangling in front of you, which you can never obtain to finally statisfy your hunger, are the pickup gimmicks. The problem Stephen said is that not naturally attracting women is a symptom of a much larger issue. The issue that you're battling with won't disappear no matter how many successful sets you do. There is a macro problem with your life, not micro.

The overall theme was to make your life attractive to women, otherwise a woman of high quality (not just beauty) will eventually see you for who you really are: fool's gold. Stephen noted that sarging is this fools gold, you're emulating men with engaging personalities and trying to make their identity part of who YOU are. Women are attracted to this, until they FEEL the truth. Hence, not many pickup artists have solid long-lasting, healthy relationships.

Stephen presented two areas that I believe relate to incongruence. Congruence, I believe, doesn't come from repetition, it only comes from yourself. Congruence with your stories and identity, because they're your own. Those areas are responsiblity and context.

Stephen explained them this way. Responsibility is taking responsibility for your actions in your life. Nobody got you where you are today but yourself. If you're CONFUSED with women, you need to take DIRECTED ACTION that will bring your CLARITY in your life (DJ gave that equation). CONFUSION + DIRECTED ACTION = CLARITY.

The other area is context. Stephen related a metaphor. Imagine a beach party, in San Diego, with 21-24 year old women dressed in bikinis, and having a fun enjoyable time drinking with friends from college. Now imagine a 45 year old man, peacocked, and trying to open these women that have nothing in common with him. It's all about context.

Context transitioned into Nash's next point that you need to increase your social circle. This is where you meet women of quality. He gave us a number of important reasons why.

1. These women have common interests with you
2. These women already have mutual friends
3. You meet in a natural, non-pressured way

He told us that women that attend clubs, are like ADD children. They don’t go to clubs to meet men, they go to be stimulated, and they will leave you as soon as something more glittery comes along. Ask women you know if they would prefer to date a guy she met at a club, or through a mutual friend or a friends party.

After saying that, Stephen did relate that the clubs, bars, and lounges have there purpose. They provide a great practice ground to quickly increase your conversation and social skills, not to meet quality women. Webster Hall in NYC was the ongoing joke of the evening.

One of the most valuable points for me personally, is one that Stephen elaborated on during the first half an hour, that I actually forgot to write about till just now.

He told us about purpose.

He told us about goals.

What is your purpose? What are your goals?

It makes it very difficult for someone to be truly happy if they have no purpose, or goals. These will lead into what I will relate to you next.

You need a purpose, otherwise you're like a daffodil being directed by the ever changing weather.

You need goals, otherwise you'll never achieve or have a direction to reach your purpose.

He said, women know if you are immovable and solid in your purpose, and they love you for it.

The key is being Authentic and Powerful. How you spend your time, communicates to your brain what is real. So if you spend your time imbalanced (Like all your time at work, and not spending any time improving your health/body) then you will feel imbalanced.

He gave categories in which to set goals:

Financial, Community, Career, Health/Body, Family, Hobbies, Spiritual, Mission

One of the audience members asked how he can transition into a more natural style of game. He asked him what his purpose was. The guy seemed a tad perplexed. He said, he's ran 1000's of approaches, and he's told the same story a thousand times. He gets the same reaction, but said, that he wants a woman to appreciate him for him, not a story.

Stephen then gave a great insight (for me personally): Criteria is the only thing that should direct your conversation, and actions during pickup. This is known in the community called QUALIFYING. An example would be, that you love women with a passion for art. So would it make sense for you to attend Webster Hall to find a woman with that quality? Of course not. He said, you need to attend Art Gallery Openings, take art classes, and/or join communities in which art is appreciated. That is where you need to build you social circle.

Make's sense right? Does it ring true?

You conversations should be like this (if you want a women with a passion for art):

HIM: "I visited the a new gallery opening over in Chelsea this weekend. The artist was a close friend of mine, have you heard of Stephen Nash Donovan?"

HER: "No, I've never heard of him. He sounds cool. (lol) What kind of art?"

HIM: "Well, I've tried to convince him to go off nude paintings of me and branch out more, you know hit the mainstream. He keeps insisting, he casually mentions things like "greek god" or something...."

HER: "Haha!"

HIM: "To be honest, I love his work, and his style is what sets him apart. He's mostly a surrealist, he really creates this world that just envelopes your mind and takes you for a journey. He also extraggrates aspects of his paints, which helps his
nude paintings of me!"

HER: "I love that type of art. I've a big Picassco fan, but I don't get to get out to many gallery openings these days, cause of work and all."

HIM: "You should really come out and meet him. I've been meaning to go back and see some of the paintings I missed on the opening night. How does Thursday evening sound?"

HER: "That sounds awesome, do you mind if I ravish your godly body like the dirty girl I am?"

Ok, the last line was made up...

Stephen then told us that you're interesting by the content of what your saying, combined with the style.

Style is your voice tone, body language, how you present the information through questions, statements and storytelling. The content is the actual story.

Read the interview that I did with Stephen a month or so ago here.

Neil Strauss (Seduction Master's Interview)

Neil hardly ever does email interviews, and has turned down multiple requests from big time newspapers. This is a special treat for you avid Attraction Chronicles readers. Enjoy! =)

Donovan

Thanks for doing this interview Neil. With all that's been written and the media exposure of 'The Game', it seems pointless to ask you the typical PUA questions. So I have some others.

First off, why did you choose writing as a profession, and especially writing about culture?

It was an accident. It happened like a snowball rolling a hill. I think everyone always gets asked “Did you always want to be a writer/fireman/cook/blogger?” And when you're young you want to be EVERYTHING. You make up your own radio and TV shows, you play with fire engines, you want to be a farmer, you go to work with a dad. So, in short, I suppose I could have just as easily been a farmer or a fire fighter. I learn quickly.

Tell me about the Stylelife Challenge that you're doing.

I started a mailing list when the book came out at my www.neilstrauss.com website. And since then, I've gotten thousands upon thousands of really moving emails that I just don't have the time to answer. So I thought it would be cool before I dove into the next book to spend 31 days helping the guys who need it most: the guys getting out of rough relationships, the 25-year-olds who've never had sex or a girlfriend, the people who are just petrified at the thought of talking to a woman. The event is going to take place from July 1 to July 31, and the challenge is for them to get a date in that time following the instructions and assignments I give them. It's kind of a thank-you present to my VIP list for being really fucking cool and supportive and open.

You told us in 'The Game' that you had help from Steve Piccus, and his mate. How did that impact your self-esteem/outlook?

A lot of people ask me that. I think the hypnosis and deep inner-game work is something you should do AFTER getting social experience. You need to get out there and interact in order to identify what your internal sticking points are. Then, once they're identified, you can take the steps necessary to fix them. The more specifically you can pinpoint your problems, the more accurately you can defeat and overcome them. I definitely think Steve gave me a huge leap forward in terms of feeling worthiness and letting go of fear. I still vividly remember spending all those hours with my eyes closed and him telling me to imagine crazy things, many of which involved excrement for some reason.

What is your favorite song on your iPod right now?

"Sargin" by DJ Dave and Turkish. They read The Game and made this hip-hop track. It's on my Myspace profile (www.myspace.com/neilstrauss).

If you were entering the community, what specific methods would you use to get to where you are now?

There's one chief rule for improving: hang out with someone who's better than you. They don't have to be the best, just better. I think guys wring their hands too much over “choosing” a method. Just try everything (most of it's free online) and do what works for you. Immediately get started with SOMETHING, rather than standing at the deadly precipice of indecision. You can only learn from it, and it will eventually lead you to what's right for you.

We try and stay positive with all aspects of our lives. But no matter the circumstances, there are some things we wish we could change atleast to a small degree. Do you have any regrets about finding the community?

Of course I have no regret about finding the community, because in the end it made me a much better, happier person. I think the community should be like college for guys: you stay in it for a few years, then move into the real world with the tools to succeed. I think it only gets counter-productive only when people spend more time gossiping or trying to impress each other than actually improving themselves.

If a guy was looking to establish an exclusive relationship, where should he focus his time? On club, day, or talk show game?

Definitely talk show game.

Actually, game to me is just for courtship and attraction. Whether you're looking for a one-night stand or marriage, they all begin the same way - with two strangers meeting.

We know that being friends with 'naturals' increases our social skills, helps us meet more women within their social circle, and improves our ability to attract naturally. What steps do you recommend for befriending naturals that we come into contact with?

The best way to befriend a natural is to let him know that by hanging out with you, he can meet even more women. Game respects game.

I believe one of the biggest problems that guys have, is that they're genuinely not interesting, and/or don't have fun. What are some activities they could take up that would help them develop a more interesting lifestyle/attitude?

Good point. I always tell guys that the best way to meet women is to have something better than meeting women Every guy NEEDS to be doing something physical a few times a week - whether it's working out, surfing, jogging, a sport, or a martial art. Traveling is also a key to become a deeper, richer person. But the most important thing is…not being self-conscious, because deep inside, we all know we're interesting. Some of us are just uncomfortable sharing that side of themselves with strangers because they're worried that they'll be judged.

If you could live in any city/town/country in the world, politics, calamities, lover, and family aside, where would it be?

I haven't found that place yet. But the three trips I'd most like to take that I haven't done yet are New Zealand, Cuba, and a road trip across Russia.

It's amazing to most of us that even some celebrities that you've talked briefly about have trouble attracting women into relationships. Of these, what in your opinion is the main reason some celebrities aren't successful getting stable, beautiful, interesting women?

Here's the thing: Almost every famous person I know can only choose from among the women who approach them. If they see a woman they're attracted to, most of them don't know how to break the ice. Or if they do, their way of accomplishing it is to send their manager or bodyguard over to say, “So-and-so would like to meet you”

In addition, a lot of them get LMR, with these types of women, because she'll start asking them if they do this with all the girls. Some celebrities I've talked to actually have routines to deal with this - and they're not unlike the community's LMR routines.

What I'm more interested in is the women who end up dating these celebrities. I'll see some on the arm of a different famous guy every night. I'd like to learn more about THEIR game.

When you want to escape the demands of being a best-selling author and quasi-celebrity figure, what do you do?

Feeding pigeons in the park, standing on street corners and shouting obscenities at passers-by, and sometimes even loading in a no-loading zone.

Many guys seem to have a problem with Day2's and getting women out there at times (possibly because of no idea what to do). Could you give some interesting examples of your most successful Day2 activities?

Every Sunday when I was actively sarging, I'd map out my nightly activities for the week. This way, when I met someone I was interested in, I could invite her to tag along to the appropriate event or meal or shopping expedition or night out. Some guys do one-on-one coffee dates, but I prefer to bring her out in a small, fun group, so that after a few hours we yearn to break away and be alone together.

What has been your favorite film at the cinemas within the last 3 months?

The last great movie I saw was older than that. It was the documentary "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room." It's chilling.

What guys from the community are you still close friends with?

I'm still close with a handful of great guys, and in communication with most others. I'll always treasure the bonds I made. I really have a lot of gratitude, respect, and love for every single person in the book.

Thanks, we look forward to your continued influence in the community!

Other Seduction Masters Interviews:

• Introducing the Seduction Masters Interviews
• Stephen Nash (Playboy)
• Thundercat
• Sean
• Herbal